Be who you are, say what you feel, those who mind don’t matter, those who matter don’t mind.
Today I would write about very important for me topic. About self-confidence. I don’t know if you have some problems with it but I do. I went through this many times. And I went back to this topic because I change project at my work.
About 4 weeks ago I started work on new project (for me of course, because rest of the team work on this project about 2 years). Project has very complex logic. On the beginning I felt like lost child (sometimes event now I feel this way). Everything was hard to understand. Everything was so difficult.
In this moments of stress when I understand nothing and I must act and work, fear paralyses me. I start thinking:
- “I’m stupid.”
- “I’m the worst programmer ever.”
- “I never understand this.”
- “I’m useless.”
- “I’m not supposed to be here.”
- “I’m not fit here.”
My own mind was hurting me and was telling me that I’m not enough. How can I focus on my task when I here something like that in my head? How to be effective? What I should do? Surrender? Stop doing my work and cry? NO! (Even if I thought so). I know it is hard, really really hard and easy to say now. But in those moments we must fight with our mind. Ask yourself: Am I really so bad? Am I really stupid? I don’t know this one thing but I know many others things. Am I really useless? Think realistic, be objective and go through all word which your mind told you. You will see that it is not so bad as you thought on the beginning.
This is only first step. It will be long way to be self-confidence. I’m still working on me. I’m still going this way. Now you must think why you are so nervous in this kind of situation? Maybe You want to show others that you are right person in right place. Or you afraid to disappoint someone (family, boss, friends). Or you afraid losing your job. Think now, If bad thing will happen so what? You should not pretend someone else. You should not prove something to someone. If your family, friends or even boss really know you, they will not disappointed. They accept you with all yours imperfection.
Be who you are, say what you feel, those who mind don’t matter, those who matter don’t mind.
If they don’t, maybe they wasn’t right person/people in your life. If you lose your job, you will find new one and this situation will be new experience in your life.
I think self-confidence it is about understanding yourself. What we feel and what we think in this particular moment. In this moment we can accept or reject bad feelings and thoughts. It’s depends of us. Our attitude can be positive or negative.
One more think as I say earlier. This is hard work. It will be good moments when we will win with our mind. But also not so good moments when bad thoughts will surround us. Even when we will lose one battle, war is not over. As log as we are still trying, we are winner.
Summing up
When you mind is your enemy:
- Slow down - think what your mind say and is this really true – develop your awareness
- Accept yourself and your environment Be gentle and patient for yourself
- Decide what is important to you and develop your skills in this direction
- If something brings you joy, no one have right to say you “You are not enough” even your brain.
I hope you enjoy reading this article. If you have some questions or suggestions, please live your comments below. Thank you for your time. On the end I set links connect to this topic, which inspire me all the time.
- Lavendaire
- Mimi Ikonn
- Life is easy. Why do we make it so hard?
- Unconditional positive regard
- Imposter syndrome [PL]
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